I know that everyone and their mother reflects on their year a lot when New Year's comes and I've done some of that myself. However, I don't think of years in terms of January to January. I think of them in terms of August to May. I'm a teacher, it's what I do. :)
I could write a novel here, but I just don't feel like doing that. 2017 was a good year. One of my favorite parts of it was becoming closer friends/sisters with Taylor. That girl definitely made my year. I'm so excited to be her partner-in-crime in 2018! Together, there's nothing we can't do!
I have been thinking about the goals I have for this year. I do not want to overwhelm myself with too many, so I'll try to be concise and stick to the basics/most important goals.
1.) Become my healthiest self: I really want to get in the best shape I've ever been in in my life this year. I know it will take a lot of dedication to do so. I am ready. There has never been a more perfect time to show myself that my capacities are limitless! #operationtransformation
2.) Get out of debt: I don't have a terrible amount of debt, but those pesky credit card bills stress me out. I want to be able to give more of my money to saving for a house and vacations instead of having it be sucked into paying interest and stuff like that.
3.) Stay in contact with my loved ones more: We text in a group chat a lot, but I want to do a better job of connecting with each individual member more often and sincerely. I don't know if this will be too ambitious, but I'd love to reach out to one family member or loved one once a month by writing them a card or sending them a surprise gift. I love being thoughtful that way and knowing that my actions can lead to uplifting others. We all need those pick-me-ups at times, amirite?!?!
4.) Keep a daily gratitude journal: Each day, write down 3 things I am grateful for. This could be in this blog, in a journal, or even in a vlog. Anyway I can express my gratitude and remind myself of my blessings will be perfect.
5.) Serve others more: This speaks for itself. I want to "forget myself and go to work," as President Hinckley's father advised him to do while he was discouraged on his mission. I want to put others above myself and make my life mirror the Savior's. When I serve others, I feel so much joy and happiness unlike anything else. I know I can do better in this arena this year.
6.) De-clutter: Get rid of the junk I have. I plan to get rid of items at least once/month.
7.) Blog more often: Write at least once a month. Weekly would be awesome.
8.) Read "The Book of Mormon:" along these lines, do everything in my power to reinvent myself in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The basics apply to me- I need to improve in praying daily, reading my scriptures, and striving to live as God would want me to. The temple is in my sights and I know that doing these things will help me to get there. While flying back to Utah, I thought about just putting 100% complete trust in God this year. He knows where I'm at in my life and I am going to do my very best to come unto Him and the outpouring of love He's ready to give me if I but hear His "knock" and invite Him into my life more often.
9.) Seek adventure: Be spontaneous. Seek fun opportunities to learn and grow/reinvent myself. Try new things. Stop doubting myself and just do. I need to stop listening to the voice of self-doubt and just take the plunge into the adventures that await me. I'd love to develop new talents like playing the ukulele! I'd love to take a road trip somewhere new and do something I've never done in my life there. I don't want to look back at my life and regret not fully living it.
10.) Strive to love myself more: This one is very hard for me. I'm going to be completely honest: because of life events and the way that life has panned out at this point in time, it is hard for me to not feel saddened by my circumstances. It is difficult to wonder if I will ever get my "happily ever after." When you go a certain amount of time without anyone showing interest in you, it's easy to believe that you're not enough. That nobody loves you and never will. This discouraging self-doubt is not of God, I know that. Satan is the king of these thoughts, seeking to make you feel "less than" or worthless. I have felt like this more in the last five years than ever before in my life. I have wondered if this is just it; if this is what the rest of my life will be like. That disparaging thought gets to me; I pray that God will bless me for the efforts I put forth to make him a #1 priority in my life. I truly can't imagine living my life alone forever. I think God knows that too. I write all of this in hopes of letting someone else know that they are not alone; their loneliness or depression is not isolated just to them. There are so many people in this world just waiting for life to make a 360 and change their circumstances. There are people who feel helpless, unloved, so lonely. I have been there, but there is someone much more powerful than me, who has also been there. He knows our spirits intimately. He has felt every feeling of despair. He has felt every physical pain; every illness that all of mankind have felt or ever will feel in this life. He suffered it all so that we would not have to go through these things completely alone. He relates to us because He has literally walked our life's paths, in our shoes. And when we feel all is lost; that our feet cannot take another step; when we feel like throwing in the towel, He is there to lift us up. He is there to embrace us in His arms and bring comfort and peace that "passes all understanding." My Savior loves me, scars and all. And He loves you too. I believe that our close bonds with him come from the knowledge that we knew Him before this life and that we were part of the hosts of Heaven, who gathered together and witnessed the most selfless act of love ever shown in the universe. I imagine I wept as I watched my brother bleed from every pore, clinging to the rock He rested upon, feeling that even He, could not finish the mission before Him. As He pleaded to His apostles to stay with Him in that moment of complete and utter torture, which I cannot comprehend, I imagine that I had to look away as my brother continued on suffering the most bitter anguish and torment any human has ever experienced on this earth. As He pleaded to our Heavenly Father to "remove this cup" from Him, I have to think that the Hosts of Heaven, me included, became His biggest advocates and cheerleaders in that moment, encouraging Him not to give up; that what He was doing would change the world as we knew it. We knew that His efforts would affect each of us. Even in that moment of complete and utter helplessness, the Savior did not give up. He told Heavenly Father that even though the task before Him was almost literally killing him, He would fulfill the mission before Him. That act of love was unlike any ever shown to the earth. Its impact was eternal. My heart became one with His in a way that could never be matched by anything else because in that moment, He showed me that I was worth it; that I was important enough to go through all of that for. I can never fully fathom what Jesus did for me. I want to live my life in a manner that reflects my desire to live the rest of my days making it up to Him. I truly believe that because the people on this earth (me included), were a part of the hosts of Heaven, singing praises and Hosanna to Jesus when He performed the Atonement in Gesthemane and when He died on the cross and was resurrected- I believe that our intimate connection to Him is what makes it virtually impossible to not feel something when we talk about Him or learn about Him. It's because I know Him and He knows me so personally. I love Him with all of my heart and hope that He can help me to forget my self-doubt and erase the feelings I've had that no one will ever love me until I... (insert the list of negative things I've thought before, here). I have got to start loving myself, truly loving myself, and believing that I was worth His sacrifice. Otherwise, I'm not living up to the divine, Heavenly mission He has appointed for me. With Him, all things are possible.
5.) Choose hope: This may sound cliche, but I know that attitude and perspective is everything. There is power in our mindsets and though I consider myself a positive person, I struggle at times when I am alone to not feel loneliness or sadness, at times. No matter how hard life gets or what curve balls life wants to chuck at me, I want to choose hope. There is always something to be grateful for. There is also always someone in this world who is worse off than me. It is important to remind myself of that. Instead of having pity parties for myself, I need to get out there and serve. I recently saw the movie, "The Greatest Showman," a movie based on the real life of P. T. Barnum and the circus he made, which was so iconic and innovative for his time. This movie was bomb! The music, songs, and dance scenes in it were just so fun and uplifting. I came away from that movie feeling so hopeful! It made me think about how I don't want to lose that 5-year-old inner me that got excited at minuscule things; who didn't doubt herself, but looked at the world with a fresh set of eyes, which saw what the world could be. I had dreams and I wasn't afraid to chase them, no matter how far off or crazy they seemed. Here's to hoping 2018 will be a year of rekindling that fire of imagination and embracing the inner child within me! Having this kind of mindset will make this one of my best years yet, I know it!
This song meant so much to me. When I heard the boy start singing it in the movie, I almost started to cry. It captures that hopeful, inner child in all of us and inspires you to never stop dreaming.
"A Million Dreams"
Bonus track: I absolutely loved this song too. It is just gorgeous and the woman who sings it should win an award!
"Never Enough"
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