Chicago was spot on at depicting the way I hope I will feel as I attempt to form long-lasting habits that I am consistent at this school year. I know that it takes about a month to six weeks to even form a habit that sticks and it's crucial to not attempt to form too many at once. Been there... done that.
I have so many goals I'd like to implement in an effort to change my life and bring more peace, contentment, and fulfillment to it. I have tried to simplify them in terms of daily, nightly, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, etc. timeframes.
Listed below are the goals I have where my habits are concerned. I'm most definitely posting them on this bloggy blog for accountability purposes:
Daily Habit Goals:
1. Brush & floss 2 times.
2. Apply Vitamin C.
3. Drink collagen, Trim Fit, Ovasitol, Greens, & a probiotic.
4. Drink 2 Stanley 40 oz drinks (at least 80 oz).
5. Drink Fair Life for breakfast.
6. Walk at least 5000 steps or more.
7. Read scriptures.
Nightly Habit Goals:
1. Use cleansing balm.
2. Use Beauty Bio's face wash.
3. Potentially use Pomifera's and/or Oliveda's new anti-aging formulas.
4. Use Rodan & Field's active hydration serum, neck cream, & eye cream.
5. Use Lumene.
6. Wear retainer.
Weekly Habit Goals:
1. Sh.
2. Exfoliate 2-3 times.
3. Glo Pro 1-2 times.
4. Do a hydro facial at least once.
5. Do a face mask at least once.
6. Use Tretinoin on Friday nights.
7. Whiten teeth on Saturdays.
7. Do the weights tape 2-3 times.
8. Listen to or read at least one Conference talk.
9. Read a portion of a self-help book.
10. Meal prep at least a few meals.
Bi-Weekly Habit Goals:
1. Dermaplane (1-2 times a month).
2. Use hair mask for hair.
3. Glo Pro.
4. Do laundry.
5. Learn more about PCOS.
6. Blog.
Monthly Habit Goals:
1. Do service.
2. Do something I've never done before.
Habit Goals for Every 3 Months:
1. Clean the house.
To all of these habits I'm listing, I'll strive to one day, channel the words of good old Peter and "become addicted to [all of] you..."
Wow, to say it's been too long is an understatement. I have wanted to write here too many times to count, but somehow other things have gotten in the way and *life* has happened. I have an Instagram and have posted more on there since it allows me to keep the summaries of my life short and sweet, but I will always love this forum for expressing the innermost thoughts of this crazy mind of mine in short or long lengths.
I see that the last post I wrote on here was my vision board from the very beginning of 2020 before life exploded into a million weird smitherines.
Cliff Notes version:
*Covid wreaked havoc on life in March of 2020, causing everyone to live in 2 years plus of unprecedented times. I taught remotely at Sunset View and worked my freakin tail off during the first few months of it. I have never had to work harder to Zoom, record videos, meet with students and parents, etc.. I feel tired just thinking about it. Add to it that everyone was so isolated during that time- it felt so depressing and lonely.
*I left my job at Sunset and moved back to Pennsylvania in August of 2020. I left with a broken heart.
*I spent 2 years in Pennsylvania and learned Utah was a better fit for my career. I experienced the *WORST* year of my teaching in my second year there. My mantra that year was "Grow through what you go through." I joke with my friends and loved ones that I grew... horizontally. Jokes aside- I feel like I'm finally at a place where I feel like I have mostly healed from that time.
*It was SO HARD to leave my mom after being around her for those 2 years in PA. I lived at home during that time and will forever cherish my time with her. <3
*Those 2 years didn't count. That's right- I'm not the age I am according to my birth year. I'm 2 years younger... birthdays felt weirder during Covid. Life was strange as all getup. It honestly felt like being in limbo.
*In June 2022, I moved back to UT and got hired at Canyon Crest, where I am currently teaching. This school is in the same district I taught in before. It's the best school I've ever taught at and it has healed my heart. I LOVE my job teaching the English side of Dual Language Immersion (DLI). I have Sean Edwards as a principal and I am about to work with my best friend, Taylor! Does life get any better?! I think not.
*I will never forget the joy that I felt when I returned to UT. For a whole year, everything felt brand new to me. My gratitude always runs deep, but I wish that I could bottle up the way I felt and save that feeling forever. To quote a line from one of my favorite movies of all time, "The Outsiders," "Nothing gold can stay." I think that's why I love the song, "Stay Gold" by Stevie Wonder as much as I do.
*I got Covid 3 times- once in January 2022, then in November 2022, and last in November 2023. I'm getting scared of November to be honest. My bout of Covid in November of 2022 led to me getting pneumonia in February of 2023, which was scary. Then near Thanksgiving/December of 2023, having had Covid again that November, I had issues with my lungs again.
*Things happened my first year, which hurt me near the end. Life moved on. This past year of teaching felt great and I was honored to receive the "Teacher of the Year" award in May.
I honestly can't believe that I have been back in Utah the same amount of time I was gone in Pennsylvania. That's where the limbo or time warp comes in. Time always feels strange and as if it can go faster or slower at various points in your life. But I submit that amidst Covid and those 2 years of weirdness (2020-2022), it went at the strangest speed yet.
I loved the days of posting a song to depict how I was feeling or even just a song I was digging at the time. I would like to return to that... I am wired to think in terms of movies, shows, and songs. I'll always connect to those things.
So this blog exists among the land of the dead online journals for my viewing pleasure only. This online account of my life is visible to my eyes only (I think) and I like it that way.
I'm much better at typing than I am at handwriting my thoughts anyway.
1. Read scriptures daily. Finish the Book of Mormon this year.
2. Pursue music more. Perform and do some song writing.
3. Enjoy the "now." Soak in all of the daily gifts in front of me.
4. Learn to play the ukulele Taylor got me. Use Youtube and resources on the internet to learn how.
5. Chase adventure- do new things each month. Develop a new hobby: cooking, dancing, painting, etc. Live life to the fullest and with no regrets. YOLO to prevent the FOMO.
6. Work hard to be healthy by incorporating healthy eating, exercising, and self-care. Take care of my physical and spiritual health.
7. Take out my endowments at the temple. This will require consistently going to church too. Get into the habit and stick with it.
8. (Not a 2020 goal, per se) Find Mr. Right. I want to have a family so desperately and this is the first step to attaining such a goal.
9. Be on time (to school, events with friends, commitments, etc.).
10. Do everything with love. Love myself. Love others. Help people around me to feel God's love. I love a quote I recently saw, "Love yourself so that love will not be a stranger when it comes."
11. Blog at least once a month. Music and its connection to my life always seems to be a great topic to write about.
12. Decorate my home and make it a place I am proud of. De-clutter, organize, and decorate on a budget! Burlington, Home Goods, and Hobby Lobby will become my new best friends!
13. Get out of debt. This is a goal that will take years to accomplish. I
will continue paying off the consolidation credit cards I have by the
fall/winter and my car will be paid off in Dec. 2020.
14. Work hard to have a grateful attitude daily. I will strive to be "so very thankful" in my life by making a gratitude jar and/or journal and filling it with blessings I have each day. These blessings can be read at the end of 2020.
15. Use kind words daily. Remember the wise quote, "Oh that my words may be as sweet as honey, for tomorrow I may have to eat them." Speak in a way that uplifts others and builds others up.
16. Make the Savior a central part of my life. Live every day for Him. Think about what He would do in all situations. Always remember the scripture, Revelation 3:20: "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."
17. Do service at least twice a month. Download the app, which informs you about service opportunities around you. Lose yourself and as President Hinckley's father counseled him on his mission, "Forget yourself and go to work."
I chose this song because it brings back memories of childhood. Life felt so much simpler then! I remember watching the movie, "Time Share" with Jenni around this period of my childhood and the family in that movie danced to this song in it. I know the message is not necessarily the best- the guy is basically bragging about his smorgasbord of girlfriends. Yeah, no, I just love the beat- it gets you up and movin' & groovin'!
"A Million Dreams" in "The Greatest Showman"
This song is the heart of this post and the heart of my life, in a sense. I will never forget ushering in the 2018 New Year by watching "The Greatest Showman" with Taylor by my side! I had no idea what to expect from this movie and it definitely far exceeded my expectations! The movie felt so hopeful and it stirred such a positive feeling within me to strive to "reach for the stars" also known as my greatest aspirations in life.
I have definitely played most, if not all, of my life too safely. I have, unfortunately, lost some of my belief in myself as the years have transpired. I'm not exactly sure why this has happened and I don't think this is the result of just one thing. I've found myself doubting my abilities and never wanting to step into unknown territory, giving myself a million reasons not to do something. I've got to stop talking myself out of opportunities to grow and instead help myself to truly develop a "growth mindset," as I strive to teach to my 1st graders. I must develop an attitude of not being afraid to make mistakes in my life. It is crucial that I learn from failures and not look at them in such a negative light. Instead, I should view them as stepping stones to greatness.
This song reminds me that I should take the million reasons I talk myself out of doing things and throw them out the door! I need to change the negative monologue going on in my mind to a positive one, which focuses on the "million[s] of dreams" I should be aiming for! This song made me tear up in the theater when I first heard it. The little boy's voice singing it at the beginning sent me back to the little Stephanie from 1994, who, as a Kindergartner, looked at the world with such optimistic eyes! The world was at my fingertips! I had so many dreams and I wondered where I would be, what I would be doing, etc. when I "grew up." It is painful to me to recognize that many of the dreams I had for myself didn't come true, not even close, in many cases. My life has not gone according to plan. By this point, I had hoped I would have been married with several kids in my family to take care of and rear up in this crazy world. I wonder often, Why has it gone this way? Why am I going through this? Why has finding someone to share life with seemed so effortless for others around me, but seemed so difficult for me? Will I be alone forever? Gosh, I sure hope not. This post is not meant to throw a "pity me" party or make anyone feel badly for me. Rather, I am just being authentic and transparent about my current situation. Though I wish life events had gone according to my plan, I have to trust that they're going according to the plan Heavenly Father has for me. I am not going to lie- this is not an easy thought for me to handle. At times, I feel I could shrivel up and hide under a rock for the rest of my life, wallowing in my hopelessness, despair, and doubt. Yet, I know that doing so will not accomplish anything.
Martin Luther King Jr. said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy." Certainly, it's much easier to be happy, hopeful, and positive when everything is going well in one's life. Yet, as King states, it's in the moments that someone is struggling... fumbling... clinging for dear life, at times, that true character is revealed. Amidst the grit and the bumpiness of life, through the scratches... the bruises... in the pits of despair, a person can make the choice to react negatively or positively. I look at the alternatives quite simply and I recognize that I'll make them sound far simpler than they are, in actuality. For me personally, when I get depressed, when I doubt, when I fear that things will never get better, I have to seize hope and optimism with a death grip, as if my life depends on it! I can laugh or I can cry and I'll choose laughter any day over the sadness or crying! I'm pretty sure I've got the ugly cry face and this girl ain't got time for messing up her makeup! I work hard on my eye looks, lol! ;-) Why am I talking about a man's character or the need to remain positive in the face of adversity? You may be asking yourself that question right now. Both points connect to the beautiful, masterpiece of a song I've chosen today in my song challenge.
Joseph B. Wirthlin, a former apostle in the LDS church, once gave a talk that pierced me to my core- I've never forgotten it since I heard his meaningful message. He relayed the story about our dear Savior dying on the cross on a Friday. The level of sadness and darkness the world experienced on that day was so terrible, I'm sure many doubted they'd ever come out of such a depressing, sorrowful state. Yet, simply put,the world did. Sunday came and the Savior was resurrected, free from the pangs of death and physical pain. He was made whole again, His spirit reunited with His body, never to be separated from it ever again. His resurrection made it possible for each of His brothers and sisters to do the same when their time in mortality would come to an end! In relation to our lives, which in my mind, are like a scatter plot filled with what can feel like random bits of joy and happiness as well as trials and suffering, Joseph B. Wirthlin said:
"Each of us will have our own Fridays- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come..."
I, most definitely, have felt what Elder Wirthlin describes in that quote. Yet, I live my life recognizing that there are always others around me, who have been dealt a harder "deck of cards" than I have. Even though I have felt so low and as if my "Sunday" will never come, at times, I still and always will, choose hope in the midst of my grief. I have to; there's simply no other alternative for me. Technically, I could remain in darkness, sulking in my hardships, but I would be a prisoner, enslaved by my pain, if I did that. Instead, I must foster an attitude of gratitude in my heart, thanking my Heavenly Father and my Savior for all they have done for me. I know that being grateful and possessing a cheerful demeanor doesn't always come naturally. There are times when all you want to do is complain and yell at the world (that's normal and perfectly okay), yet I do believe that you can train yourself to genuinely be more happy. Every blessing counted fills up your "glass" of life. You just have to decide if it is "half empty" or "half full." The choice is yours to make. Therein lies the point of this post: "A Million Dreams" describes a boy, who never quits dreaming of the possibilities around him. He doesn't doubt his potential in the slightest even though others around him do. He stays on the path, trying, failing, failing, trying, and he makes his dreams a reality in the end.
So, Stephanie: what's it going to be? Are you going to keep yourself awake thinking about all the things that are "wrong" in your life, which didn't go according to your plan? Or are you going to lose sleep thinking about the "million dreams" you have "for the world you're gonna make?"
I have wanted to start blogging again and this song challenge combines two of my loves so effortlessly: writing and music. It's a no-brainer!
Today, I'm posting a song I like with a color in the title. Hmmmm...
Initially, the only songs I could think of were "Yellow" by Coldplay and "Pink" by Aerosmith. After doing my research, I found several songs I freakin' loved, but I had to pick just one (well, two- I make my own rules, haha). Songs like, "Red, Red, Wine" by UB40 and "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John were among my favorites, but alas, the final two are, drumroll please...
"Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra
This song just screams summer and an attitude of being care-free! I love the opening lyrics:
Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day...
It reminds me to seek out joy, optimism, and hope in my life, which can be a struggle for me, at times. The song addresses this very point when it asks, "Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why you had to hide away for so long." Not all days are "rainbows and butterflies" in life. If everyday had blue skies, we wouldn't appreciate that beautiful weather as much; we'd easily take it for granted. Indeed, there are times when rain, snow, or other inclement weather occurs, which weather isn't always enjoyable to go through. Experiencing it enhances the joy that comes from days abounding with sunshine and blue skies! Stress, loneliness, worries, hopelessness, aka the "inclement weather of life," can weigh a person down, but happiness or days bursting with "blue skies", does make its appearances and reminds us we will see better days. After a storm, a glorious rainbow is revealed.
My All Time Favorite: "Stay Gold" by Stevie Wonder
I can't even begin to convey how much this song means to me. It appeared in one of my all-time favorite movies called, "The Outsiders." That movie is so moving and is one I can watch anytime without ever getting sick of it. In addition to loving this movie, Stevie Wonder is my absolute favorite singer! His voice, his lyrics, his talent: I am in complete awe. My family threw a surprise 50th birthday party for my mom in 2012 and we showed a slideshow about her at it, which featured this song too. Each time I hear it now, my mind is flooded with pictures of her growing up in her childhood and the incredible love I have for her. Using the song at her party made me love it even more, if that's even possible!!!
Like "Mr. Blue Sky," "Stay Gold" uses the analogy of weather to remind us that life is a wondrous compilation of unpredictable, fleeting feelings: sorrow, happiness, despair, hopefulness, regret, satisfaction, anger, contentment, fear, confidence, etc. The list could go on and on. "Nothing gold can stay," a line recited by Ponyboy in "The Outsiders" illustrates the notion that all good things must come to an end. As much as we long for them to last, to remain in moments where we are "on top of the world," we have to go on, experiencing a myriad of emotions as we go on the "ride of life." To know true joy, we have to experience sorrow. To feel optimism, we have to go through times of doubt, uncertainty, perhaps, even utter hopelessness. At times, we don't always want to face the harsh realities of life and we find ourselves longing for the past, wishing we could go back to simpler times, where we didn't have a care in the world. The song powerfully conveys this message:
Seize upon that moment long ago
One breath away and there you will be
So young and carefree
Again you will see
That place in time... so gold
Steal away into that way back when
You thought that all would last forever
But like the weather
Nothing can ever, and be in time
Stay gold
Memories aid us in having beautiful, permanent snapshots of the vast experiences and emotions we encounter in our lifetime. We can revisit and relive them anytime we want, yet time does not stop or slow down in this process. We must keep moving forward, using our past to help fuel us to continue on our journey. Perhaps that's what Stevie Wonder and Carmine Coppola meant in the song. No matter how hard life gets, no matter how much it can discourage you... harden you... cause you pain... never lose hope. Stay gold. Keep the magical wonder from moments of sheer bliss and complete joy alive. Cling to that optimism tightly. Stay on the path. Stay gold.
Recently, I embarked on the most spontaneous, adventurous trip of my life. It only took me 30 years of life to take it and I have absolutely no regrets about it. It was life-changing and I truly feel like I came back from it a different person.
It all started with "New Girl." I blame that glorious masterpiece of a show for the awesomeness that was my road trip. Jenni showed me "New Girl" shortly before my Spring Break in April. I was hooked from the start. It was so freakin' clever and hilarious and it cracked me up. The love story between Jess and Nick- well that was the perfect recipe to winning my heart over completely! I am determined to find myself a Nick to spend the rest of my life with. A girl can dream, right?!
I love me some Nick!
My love of "New Girl" led to me finishing the whole show in about 2 weeks' time (possibly faster- it's a little hazy to me now). Watching the whole show made me love Nick even more, which led to me researching the man behind the character: Jake Johnson. I would like to say that I have a slight obsession with this guy, but I would be lying if I did. I have absolutely no shame in saying that I have a full-blown addiction to him (in a non-creepy way, of course). I looked him up, finding out information about his life as well as what shows, movies, or projects he's been involved in. Over the past month and a half, I have learned every last bit of information about him, watching his awesome Indie films on Netflix and Amazon Prime. I started following his Instagram and Twitter. I know, I know- I went overboard, but when you find someone you love, you stalk them. Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong- in this day in age, practically everything is broadcasted for everyone to see, haha! Long story short- my obsession with Jake Johnson helped me to be more into the deets of his life. One such deet came on his Twitter a few weeks' back, which said he was going to be in a comedy show in Los Angeles on a Monday night. After seeing that, I thought, I HAVE to go! Yet, it just seemed like a dream that would remain just that, a dream. So often in my life, I have played it safe and just done everything I'm supposed to do, never taking risks or stepping outside of my comfort zone. That is something I definitely regret. I already have FOMO (the fear of missing out) and I am trying to take steps in my life to change that.
After seeing this announcement about the improv show, I called my sister, Jenni, and said how much I wished she could go. She is in PA and is getting ready to potentially start a job in AZ, so I knew that it would not be possible for her to go on a trip like that with me. I talked to my mom about the same show and just imagined what it would be like to go to it. Fast forward to Tuesday night (I discovered the show that Friday or Saturday before). I texted Zach to tell him about this event, telling him I would love for the both of us to go to it. I knew he would never be able to and just thought it was another event in my life that would be impossible to carry out. Zach texted me back and said, "I want to go." I wrote back to him and was like, "Wait, could you really go?..." After several rounds of texts, we decided to do it. And immediately after making the decision, my stomach was the home to thousands of butterflies! I felt so nervous and scared to do something I had never done before! I knew that this feeling stemmed from the way that my parents raised me. They were very protective, but often scared me out of doing anything adventurous. They made me think that I couldn't do anything (like a road trip) without them around. Case in point: my dad forced me to go on a road trip to Utah with him and my sister when I got a new, used car to use for my student teaching. Even though I was 23 years old, I was not given a choice; I was not allowed to take the road trip with my sister. Yuck. If the 30-year-old me could go back to that time, I would not have kindly acquiesced to such ridiculous demands. I digress... let's just say the nervous feeling I felt about the road trip to LA, stemmed from the way that my parents had sheltered me and been overprotective. I knew though, the things that scare us most in life are often the most worth doing. I'm channeling "Chasing Liberty" right now, in case you thought that statement sounded familiar, lol!
Once Zach and I decided to take the trip, lots of plans were made in a short time span. I booked the comedy show and was amazed that the tickets only cost about $15 a piece (the venue was offering a 2-for-1 deal). Only $15 to see the guy I'm obsessed with be his usual, hilarious self?!?! Count me in! Then, Jenni helped me to find a perfect hotel for the event. She used Price Line, which I have never used before and found a gem of a room. That Thursday, I got my oil changed/tires rotated. Everything was in great condition- I've had my car for a little over 2 years and I've barely put many miles on it. It is perfect for road trips- it runs smoothly and handles the miles well. Saturday, I ran tons of errands to buy things for the trip, one of which was makeup. I needed to look my best for Jake! Haha! ;-) I also bought snacks for the trip, trying to find Zach's favorites in the process.
Sunday was the day! I picked Zach up and we were on our way around 10 am. The drive was great! There were no tolls and the weather was perfect. Zach had a killer playlist for the trip! He even played the song, "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root, which made me die laughing because of the freakin' hilarious episode it plays in in "New Girl." Our course involved driving through St. George, Arizona, Vegas, and eventually, LA. We stopped for lunch in Vegas at Subway and after eating there, I asked Zach to drive for a little bit. It was kind of hilarious because my drive up to that point had been so easy and had lots of open road, but when Zach started, his drive ended up being much more choppy. He had to drive through a dust storm and he got into the California portion of the trip, which had a lot of stop-and-go traffic. Poor guy- he handled it like a champ though! We made another stop in California at a gas station that had tons of cars at it and extremely windy weather! I will never forget trying to get out and fill up for gas. My hair blew around so much, I looked like a freakin' Sasquatch! I drove the remainder of the drive, which ended up still having a lot of traffic, especially when we got close to the exit for our hotel in LA. I was blown away by how many people just ended up going right in front of my car (and others) even at the portion of the exit where your car should either be in the exit lane or the lane that passes it. I ended up laughing a ton because I was so shocked at what was going on! I also laughed a lot when Zach got annoyed at people's attempts to merge. For some reason, when people wanted to move into my lane, even if I gave them lots of space, they would just stay to the right and not move in front of my car for the longest time. So different than people's crazy Utah habits- they get over even if there isn't space!
We played the waiting game so much Sunday night. We waited for 40+ minutes just to be able to drive less than 1/4 of a mile to take the exit to the hotel. When we got to the hotel, we waited in line forever just to get our room key. While waiting in the line, I laughed a lot with Zach and probably seemed like I was high to the people around me. It was close to 11:30 pm there, which felt like 12:30 am to me. Once we got to our hotel room, we knew we needed to get something to eat quickly. I started to feel SO WEIRD at that point. I think my blood pressure was off and my blood sugar must have been low too. Zach and I walked about half a mile to Carl's Jr. and when we got there, I felt like I was going to pass out. My feet started feeling like they were moving off the ground somehow. Zach and I ate our food and I personally, felt like I was in a weird dream. Some weirdo girl was in the restaurant at the same time as us and she seemed like she was high as a kite. She was listening in to our conversation and said a rude remark to Zach on our way out. When Zach and I got back to the hotel, we crashed.
The next day, we woke up around 9:00 or 9:30, which felt really good after a LONG day of driving the day before. Zach had some work to do so he took care of that while I showered/got ready. I took my good, old time getting ready, which is something I enjoy doing when I get the chance. I wanted to look my best for the main event. We set off to explore LA/get close to our destination. Zach found a cool app that lets you park anywhere for a reasonable price, so we ended up parking in a gated community in LA for $15 (for a 1 pm - 1 am time slot). That was really good considering that a parking garage I had looked up near the venue charged $20 for 2 hours. We walked to the Largo at the Coronet, the venue where the magic would take place that night. The walk was a mile and half, I think, and it took about 25 minutes to walk it. Along the way, I remember walking on Melrose, Santa Monica, and eventually, passing the Dash store (owned by the Kardashian family). I walked inside it just for fun. At that point, Zach and I decided to go to a diner for lunch. It had yummy food, lots of good breakfast stuff. We were done eating around 3:40ish and after finishing there, we walked to the Largo and waited.
The Largo is a theater, which seats about 280 people. It is set up such that you pay for your tickets, but you wait in a line to be assigned a seat prior to the performance you attend. Zach and I wanted to get front row seats to this event (me especially) so we started waiting in line for our seat assignments around 3:50 pm. I tweeted Jake when we waited, to tell him how excited we were to see his show. We waited until 6 pm. In that time frame, we played Sevens and the fruit game. Zach was making me laugh so much during that game since he picked a fruit with four syllables (watermelon) and I did too (pomegranate). We played the game and even took a video of it, which makes me crack up every time I watch it. When the time came around to get our seat assignment, I freaked out because Zach and I got assigned to the FRONT ROW in the CENTER!!!! We knew we were the first ones in line, but it still felt so special and surreal to think that we would be that close to Jake Johnson and the other guests!
After getting our ticket assignments, Zach and I went to Chipotle and chilled there. We had their fiesta bowls (or whatever they're called). When we were done eating, we went to a Mobile near the theater and got gum and Red Bulls (quite the combination). I was afraid of being too tired when the show started at 8:30 pm, so I was glad to gulp the Red Bull down. It definitely gave me the kick I needed to watch the show/be alert during it. Zach and I walked to the venue and hung out in its small lounge prior to the show's start. It was a cool-looking place, which has been frequented by many celebrities. It had some weird lamps and such that reminded us of things out of "The Neverending Story." It also had lights strung along the whole area, which looked like something out of "Stranger Things." The Largo opened up around 8ish so Zach and I went in as soon as the doors were open. When we sat down, we FREAKED OUT!!! Our seats were seriously SO CLOSE to the stage. From my seat, if I leaned forward, I could TOUCH the stage! The theater was built in 1947 and I believe its year of construction shows how intimate shows must have been in that time period. The room was seriously so small (smaller than the Hackman auditorium I frequented for Chorus during High School). Zach and I felt like we were in such a surreal situation as we waited for the show to start.
The moment arrived! Everyone came out in no time! Paul Scheer, Jake Johnson, Brooklyn Decker, Chelsea Peretti, & Jonah Smith were the celebrity guests. The outline of the show was compared to an adult version of Show and Tell. Each guest brought a possession that was significant to them in some way and those items led to fun, impromptu discussions with all of the people on stage. Paul Scheer, an actor most known for "The League" (which I need to watch), came out first. His item was a copy of the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie. He told a story about how he and his family had gone to a Disney resort in Hawaii, I believe, and while there, a parent of one of the families went up to him and said, "I know you." He told him his kids were huge fans of his, stating they knew him from "Alvin and the Chipmunks." This man thought that Paul Scheer was David Cross, who I know most from, "She's the Man" and "Arrested Development." Paul Scheer said he panicked at that moment and didn't want to correct the guy, so he went with it. He thought there was no way he would ever see that guy again, but as he realized at the resort, you see a lot of the same people often at such places. Haha! He told this long story about how
2017 is over, dunzo, finito, out the door. I have this thing about years with odd numbers, so I welcome 2018 with open arms. ;-)
I know that everyone and their mother reflects on their year a lot when New Year's comes and I've done some of that myself. However, I don't think of years in terms of January to January. I think of them in terms of August to May. I'm a teacher, it's what I do. :)
I could write a novel here, but I just don't feel like doing that. 2017 was a good year. One of my favorite parts of it was becoming closer friends/sisters with Taylor. That girl definitely made my year. I'm so excited to be her partner-in-crime in 2018! Together, there's nothing we can't do!
I have been thinking about the goals I have for this year. I do not want to overwhelm myself with too many, so I'll try to be concise and stick to the basics/most important goals.
1.) Become my healthiest self: I really want to get in the best shape I've ever been in in my life this year. I know it will take a lot of dedication to do so. I am ready. There has never been a more perfect time to show myself that my capacities are limitless! #operationtransformation
2.) Get out of debt: I don't have a terrible amount of debt, but those pesky credit card bills stress me out. I want to be able to give more of my money to saving for a house and vacations instead of having it be sucked into paying interest and stuff like that.
3.) Stay in contact with my loved ones more: We text in a group chat a lot, but I want to do a better job of connecting with each individual member more often and sincerely. I don't know if this will be too ambitious, but I'd love to reach out to one family member or loved one once a month by writing them a card or sending them a surprise gift. I love being thoughtful that way and knowing that my actions can lead to uplifting others. We all need those pick-me-ups at times, amirite?!?!
4.) Keep a daily gratitude journal: Each day, write down 3 things I am grateful for. This could be in this blog, in a journal, or even in a vlog. Anyway I can express my gratitude and remind myself of my blessings will be perfect.
5.) Serve others more: This speaks for itself. I want to "forget myself and go to work," as President Hinckley's father advised him to do while he was discouraged on his mission. I want to put others above myself and make my life mirror the Savior's. When I serve others, I feel so much joy and happiness unlike anything else. I know I can do better in this arena this year.
6.) De-clutter: Get rid of the junk I have. I plan to get rid of items at least once/month.
7.) Blog more often: Write at least once a month. Weekly would be awesome.
8.) Read "The Book of Mormon:" along these lines, do everything in my power to reinvent myself in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The basics apply to me- I need to improve in praying daily, reading my scriptures, and striving to live as God would want me to. The temple is in my sights and I know that doing these things will help me to get there. While flying back to Utah, I thought about just putting 100% complete trust in God this year. He knows where I'm at in my life and I am going to do my very best to come unto Him and the outpouring of love He's ready to give me if I but hear His "knock" and invite Him into my life more often.
9.) Seek adventure: Be spontaneous. Seek fun opportunities to learn and grow/reinvent myself. Try new things. Stop doubting myself and just do. I need to stop listening to the voice of self-doubt and just take the plunge into the adventures that await me. I'd love to develop new talents like playing the ukulele! I'd love to take a road trip somewhere new and do something I've never done in my life there. I don't want to look back at my life and regret not fully living it.
10.) Strive to love myself more: This one is very hard for me. I'm going to be completely honest: because of life events and the way that life has panned out at this point in time, it is hard for me to not feel saddened by my circumstances. It is difficult to wonder if I will ever get my "happily ever after." When you go a certain amount of time without anyone showing interest in you, it's easy to believe that you're not enough. That nobody loves you and never will. This discouraging self-doubt is not of God, I know that. Satan is the king of these thoughts, seeking to make you feel "less than" or worthless. I have felt like this more in the last five years than ever before in my life. I have wondered if this is just it; if this is what the rest of my life will be like. That disparaging thought gets to me; I pray that God will bless me for the efforts I put forth to make him a #1 priority in my life. I truly can't imagine living my life alone forever. I think God knows that too. I write all of this in hopes of letting someone else know that they are not alone; their loneliness or depression is not isolated just to them. There are so many people in this world just waiting for life to make a 360 and change their circumstances. There are people who feel helpless, unloved, so lonely. I have been there, but there is someone much more powerful than me, who has also been there. He knows our spirits intimately. He has felt every feeling of despair. He has felt every physical pain; every illness that all of mankind have felt or ever will feel in this life. He suffered it all so that we would not have to go through these things completely alone. He relates to us because He has literally walked our life's paths, in our shoes. And when we feel all is lost; that our feet cannot take another step; when we feel like throwing in the towel, He is there to lift us up. He is there to embrace us in His arms and bring comfort and peace that "passes all understanding." My Savior loves me, scars and all. And He loves you too. I believe that our close bonds with him come from the knowledge that we knew Him before this life and that we were part of the hosts of Heaven, who gathered together and witnessed the most selfless act of love ever shown in the universe. I imagine I wept as I watched my brother bleed from every pore, clinging to the rock He rested upon, feeling that even He, could not finish the mission before Him. As He pleaded to His apostles to stay with Him in that moment of complete and utter torture, which I cannot comprehend, I imagine that I had to look away as my brother continued on suffering the most bitter anguish and torment any human has ever experienced on this earth. As He pleaded to our Heavenly Father to "remove this cup" from Him, I have to think that the Hosts of Heaven, me included, became His biggest advocates and cheerleaders in that moment, encouraging Him not to give up; that what He was doing would change the world as we knew it. We knew that His efforts would affect each of us. Even in that moment of complete and utter helplessness, the Savior did not give up. He told Heavenly Father that even though the task before Him was almost literally killing him, He would fulfill the mission before Him. That act of love was unlike any ever shown to the earth. Its impact was eternal. My heart became one with His in a way that could never be matched by anything else because in that moment, He showed me that I was worth it; that I was important enough to go through all of that for. I can never fully fathom what Jesus did for me. I want to live my life in a manner that reflects my desire to live the rest of my days making it up to Him. I truly believe that because the people on this earth (me included), were a part of the hosts of Heaven, singing praises and Hosanna to Jesus when He performed the Atonement in Gesthemane and when He died on the cross and was resurrected- I believe that our intimate connection to Him is what makes it virtually impossible to not feel something when we talk about Him or learn about Him. It's because I know Him and He knows me so personally. I love Him with all of my heart and hope that He can help me to forget my self-doubt and erase the feelings I've had that no one will ever love me until I... (insert the list of negative things I've thought before, here). I have got to start loving myself, truly loving myself, and believing that I was worth His sacrifice. Otherwise, I'm not living up to the divine, Heavenly mission He has appointed for me. With Him, all things are possible.
5.) Choose hope: This may sound cliche, but I know that attitude and perspective is everything. There is power in our mindsets and though I consider myself a positive person, I struggle at times when I am alone to not feel loneliness or sadness, at times. No matter how hard life gets or what curve balls life wants to chuck at me, I want to choose hope. There is always something to be grateful for. There isalso always someone in this world who is worse off than me. It is important to remind myself of that. Instead of having pity parties for myself, I need to get out there and serve. I recently saw the movie, "The Greatest Showman," a movie based on the real life of P. T. Barnum and the circus he made, which was so iconic and innovative for his time. This movie was bomb! The music, songs, and dance scenes in it were just so fun and uplifting. I came away from that movie feeling so hopeful! It made me think about how I don't want to lose that 5-year-old inner me that got excited at minuscule things; who didn't doubt herself, but looked at the world with a fresh set of eyes, which saw what the world could be. I had dreams and I wasn't afraid to chase them, no matter how far off or crazy they seemed. Here's to hoping 2018 will be a year of rekindling that fire of imagination and embracing the inner child within me! Having this kind of mindset will make this one of my best years yet, I know it!
This song meant so much to me. When I heard the boy start singing it in the movie, I almost started to cry. It captures that hopeful, inner child in all of us and inspires you to never stop dreaming.
"A Million Dreams"
Bonus track: I absolutely loved this song too. It is just gorgeous and the woman who sings it should win an award!
