"NeveR SurrendeR:" RemembeR You'rE "BlesseD" (7/24/14)

I could cry... I could just cry. Tonight, I went to Swigs, a soda place, to get my favorite drink: sprite with green apple and Pina colada puree in it. It's tasty! Even better than it is the drink at Sodalicious (a competitor to Swigs), which serves a drink with 7 Up, green apple, habanero (that's right), and Pina colada puree in it. You would never think that habanero would taste good in a drink, but it gives it a crisp taste. That's the only way I can describe it. Try it before you deny it! ;-) Anyway, I've diverged from the issue at hand, why I'm feeling like crying right about now. At Swigs, literally right after I got my drink at the drive-thru, I heard a sort of metal, clink sound. It sounded like something came loose from my car. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I do know that immediately after hearing this sound, the wheel of my car wouldn't turn. I was terrified! I pulled up past the window of the drive-thru and called my family at home in PA. My dad answered and told me that the problem was related to my power steering. At times like these, I really wish I knew more about cars and how to fix them... sigh. Scared and nervous, I drove out of the parking lot of Swigs and went straight home, which is thankfully only about 5 minutes away, if that. The whole way there, every turn felt like I was trying to turn the wheel of a truck- it felt so difficult to make even the slightest turn! I made it back to my place and couldn't even park in the covered parking outside of my apartment... I couldn't get the wheels to turn enough and on each side of my parking space, cars are there. I didn't want to scrape them or do any damage so I ended up parking my car on the street across from my apartment complex. Doing that simple act felt like a huge feat! My car is resting there now and will have the glorious pleasure of being towed away tomorrow morning. Did I mention that I don't have AAA and that I was planning on getting that this summer? It's a little late now.

When I got home, I called my mom and woke her up from her sleep. I'm terrible, but I just needed to talk to her. She is WAY better than my father at helping me to see that things will be alright; this trial is but a fleeting moment. I have made a game plan for tomorrow. I know where I want my car to be taken to be fixed. It's a place where an honest man works, who helped my sister out with her car a few months ago. I know that I need to get a tow truck and will have to find out if my car insurance covers any of it. I have started the process of making a plan for next week as well. I may rent a car. This is all happening at such a convenient time (note the sarcasm in my voice b/c it's spilling out like the power steering fluid most likely did in my car tonight. Too soon?! Yes! Do I care? No). On Monday, I will be teaching Jump Start, our school's summer school program, which is taught in the three weeks prior to school starting. It is intended to do what its name implies- to give students a head start on the academics they will encounter when they are in school full-time. Monday is just too close... I was planning on going grocery shopping and school clothes shopping tomorrow in preparation for it. I felt like I was timing things perfectly. I went into the school today and got the classroom I'll be teaching in set up. How grateful I am for doing that!!! Little did I know, I wouldn't have the chance to go in tomorrow.

This situation has bummed me out, I'm not going to lie. It has made me realize that I really don't have anyone out here for when times get rough and trials arise. I don't like to burden people with my problems and truly hate asking for help. I feel like such an inconvenience. I've just realized that I'm alone out here... I don't know when that happened. I used to be so much more outgoing in my life. I used to meet lots of people and have great friends. Yet, somewhere in the time I've been teaching and having the complete lack of a social life that comes from that, I have lost friends. I absolutely loved and adored people I became friends with in years past of living in UT. However, those people were met when I was in college and had less commitments in my life. In essence, I guess I'm just sad that my life is being lived alone. I wish things were different. I wish Jenni still lived here. I wish I could live with my siblings longer. I know Zach will be coming back to live with me, but even that, is fleeting. It won't last. Heavenly Father, please help me out in this arena. I want to have friends who can help me through thick and thin; who I can help when they have car troubles, or any troubles for that matter.

Today, I will be posting two songs because I feel they sum up the day perfectly. They sum up the trial that I feel at this very moment, is kicking my butt. The first song is called, "Never Surrender" by Corey Hart. I posted this song on a different blog post not long ago, but it's so good at depicting how I feel that I've got to post it again. This song will always make me think of my brother, Chris. He sang it to Jenni at the karaoke place we went to on the weekend prior to her leaving UT for good. The song has a beautiful message about never giving up. Though a big part of me would like to throw in the towel right about now and pity the situation I've been dealt, I just can't do that. I've got to put my faith in the Lord and keep on fighting! This just brought back memories of when Jenni and I were in a video for Josh's English class many years ago (I think I was 12 or 13 in it, making Jenni 10 or 11). In it, we had to pretend to fight each other in some sort of war (found in portions of "The Odyssey"). When Jenni fell down on the ground in the video, there was a definitive moment where she shot up and yelled, "I'll never surrender!" Haha! It was hilarious and I'm finding it a little weird now that I think back to it- she said the very line that was sung to her in a song to commence her move, 14 or so years later. It was real-life foreshadowing at its finest, I guess.

In conjunction with Hart's HEARTfelt song (did you see what I just did there?!? Haha), I feel the need to post an oldie, but a goodie! Christina Aguilera sang a song called, "Blessed" on what I believe was her first album. This song's message goes hand-in-hand with never surrendering. It is important, even crucial, that in times of trial, we recognize the hand of the Lord in our lives. No matter how hard it is, it is imperative to be grateful for all the Lord has done on your behalf. God has blessed me immensely in my life. He's blessed me with a family I love more than anything in the world. He helped me through a huge trial with my leg and literally allowed a miracle to take place in that regard. He put me in the right place at the right time and enabled me to get my current full-time job teaching 1st graders. He helped my mother through stage 3C colon cancer. He helped my brother, Josh, to find his eternal companion and have 3 amazing children. He allows me to have shelter over my head, food to eat, and any material needs. He has helped me to feel the Spirit through music and other spiritual experiences. The list could truly go on and on with regard to the ways the Lord has blessed my family and me. To be very honest, I feel I haven't had many trials in the past few years, which have been very difficult. I feel I've been very fortunate so I understand why (to some degree) God has seen fit to present me with this current trial. I'll get through it. This too shall pass. Even though Aguilera's "Blessed" was written about a love interest, I still feel it is applicable to God and the way He blesses His children. If the desire enters my soul to call it quits, I will remember Hart's words: "You can never surrender." More than that, Aguilera's words will ring true forever and always in my mind, for I truly am, "blessed for everything [God's] given me."